Absurd World News

Werewolves: the Original UnAmerican

lincoln-hates-werewolves

Werewolves have been the greatest threat to national security since the early part of the 19th century. Lincoln was at the forefront of the movement to bring about their eradication. The War raged on for years and America was winning every step of the way. The werewolves, sensing their imminent demise, did the unthinkable. They put aside their claws and fangs and fought in human form against the Lincolnian forces. This turned out to be their greatest asset.

 

 

The Americans were not expecting humans and were taken by the element of surprise. With one strategic move they ended the movement of their destruction in the form of John Wilkes Booth. However, the werewolf population had been so severely decimated, that they retreated into the mountainous regions of France to regain their numbers, and virtually disappeared overnight from American shores.

 

The Lincolnian forces had been so sure that victory over the Lupercalian Legion was theirs, that they had begun construction of a massive monument to mark their success. It depicted a giant Lincoln atop a throne werewolf carcasses. This monument would never be finished in it's original form. It was decided that a memorial was to be constructed honoring their leader, however there would be no throne of werewolf carcasses.

 

Lincolns assassination at the hands of the Lycanthropes was such a devastating blow to the nation, and the shame of having been "beaten by a pack of dogs" made them decide to erase this chapter of history. If it were not for the comic book "Lincoln Hates Werewolves" this dirty little chapter of American history, might have been forgotten.

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