Today a eagle is born the most powerful the merkin nagel. Billy likes it best of off the kinds

Fritzy write in you journal. You can not make me wright a journal entry today if I do not have…

The big story in the news today is that one third of American's are in debt and have debt collectors…

Today it rain. I did not say dry and Billy Wizard said to me stop shivering like a shitting dog.

today I went to my friends hause his name is yehuda weiner his ma gave us dry bad cookies like…

Pep’s Confusion Filter was printed in fancy blue letters across the side of the bottle. The men were drinking it…

Are you sure that's a good place to hide the body?

Even though he wouldn’t eat the candy, in the end they still made him into a sugar skull.

When I die, I hope to be reborn as a 1989 Toyota Tercel.  Rusted and dependable, but unwanted.

The social networking giant will begin rolling out an advanced friend rating system on Friday. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerburg announced…

It’d be wild. But she's a bitch just like her mother.

There is no such thing as grape ice cream. The reason? It has a lot to do with dogs, girls,…

200 years ago people lived in caves and wore animal skins and cleaned chimneys with the bones of small children…

If you pass out in your sleep, you’ll never wake up again. Homage to “It come to sleep on your…

The boy carelessly lost the small rubber Godzilla figure from the car at an interstate rest stop. “Mom! Stop! My…

When the Robot King decrees, “Exfoliate them. All of them!” the sponge bots obey. Since they are sponge bots not…

Apples of your cheeks should be called tomatoes of your cheeks because when you punch them they split open like…

T.S. Eliot wrote “Humankind cannot bear very much reality.”  Four out of five people are obsessed with dead bears and…

Dear Mom and Dad, As you know, I moved far away. The town I live in now doesn’t have duck…

Mt: Why don't they call wild boars vampire pigs? Ft: Yeah that's what they are. They have long fangs just…

Now with even more sugar! Goes great on waffles, pancakes, or guzzled straight from the bottle. Plastic shot glass included…

In 1994 or 1995 the patient had become a security guard at the local community college. The job was to…

Submit your article, story, or drawing to EMToast for a chance to get it published on the site and win…

I am very dumb, and very serious.  That is a dangerous type of person. 

NEWS FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE: Robin Think “I’ll Give You My Lovin’ (Like It Or Not) singer caused another uproar…

Turkey legs. He comin' for you birthday. He got somethin' real nice for ya too.

Folgers crystals are life crystals. Don't let nobody tell you different. When I was having that heart attack, I put…

When I was 20 years old, I saw my first old pussy. It was bad. I was working in a…

1998. I asked a friend for help today moving some boxes. Nothing too involved, a couple boxes of paperbacks from…

NY radio station 1010 WINS broadcast today that "behavior problems can turn the child you love and your life into…

Dojo Billy Wizard and Laser Dog send their birthday wishes.  Hope it’s your birthday soon. Drawing by Bixby.

I finally colorized the birthday card Bixby drew for me last year.

Dad always told me even if it’s hot out you can't leave the windows open in your car because you…

This is the sneak preview of the “Hands Off and Cat” Billboard to be rolled out later this year. Artwork…

This is the first installment of my secret family recipe book. More to come in the future. Enjoy Snackersquatches and…

This is the sneak preview of the “Burnty Goodness” Billboard to be rolled out later this year. Artwork for this…

This is the sneak preview of the “Burnt Toast” Billboard to be rolled out later this year. Artwork for this…

This is the sneak preview of the “Don't Be A Nunsk” Billboard to be rolled out late Fall. Artwork for…

This is the sneak preview of the “Toast Face One” Billboard to be rolled out late this fall.  Artwork for…

This is the sneak preview of the “Dirty Germs With Combovers” Billboard to be rolled out late this fall. Artwork…

The second billboard in this fall’s marketing campaign begs the target market to put an end to dolphin rape. Since…

This fall EMToast will begin a Billboard marketing campaign in select cities.  This is the sneak preview of the “No…

Hot dogs originated in an area of Europe once known as Germany in a time when humans scavenged the leftovers…