I emerged this morning from the frost covered cardboard refrigerator box that I now call home. With my first steps…

A man once asked me what is the difference between a city and a town?  A city is bigger I…

James Vanderbiek claims he has discovered the reset button for the human soul, and it’s not what you think. Most…

Department store Santa’s are known to victimize and terrorize children and adults alike. The classic image of a child crying…

Pocahontis 2010 with her free Shop Rite turkey.  The 2nd Thanksgiving.  Pilgrims vs Native Americans.

Don’t smoke no more.  You gotta get your shits together.

Today I met a robot. He has a gun. He shoots the gun, but not at me. He won’t break…

It’s a worldwide epidemic.

Buying puppies from the petstore is wrong. You’ve got to just let them die. Buying them supports puppy mills. Don’t…

Artists rendering of  the unreleased final scene from Apocalypse Now where a Zombie Marlon Brando eats a unicorn who simultaneously…

Evolution, the mysterious force responsible for transforming us from happy-go-lucky banana peeling tree climbers into misery infected cubicle crawling keyboard…

HALLOWEEN WISHES FROM CATS THAT SPRAY SOUR EAR BLOOD FROM THEIR MOUTHS. MAY ALL YOUR CANDY BE  FULL SIZE AND…

EMToast has obtained exclusive audio of Paris Hilton admitting to friends that she “thinks she is having a robot baby.”…

EMToast has obtained exclusive audio of Paris Hilton admitting that she "made out with a monkey." Audio Transcript: "I like…

Grampa: What are all these broccoli doing here? It’s not Christmas? The girl: Wha? What happened to Midnight? Grampa: He…

Alexander Hamilton, our beak nosed fifth president and designer of the 10 dollar bill lives right up the street from…

Before Snookie, The Situation or any of those other Jersey Shore bimbos hit the scene, the ORIGINAL Bimbo 3 Ring…

It was 3 am and this was the second time her bladder had awoken her that night. She lay there…

They say fried food is a killer. I doubt it. The grease is just good for your whole body. It…

THINKING... that's how people get killed. A public service statement from EMToast. photo credit: Focal Intent

I like horses. They have shiny teeth. You can feed them sugar cubes. When it gets real hot they get…

Sitting in the dark.  Nice and relaxed.  You’re both tired. The night is over. You follow her into the next…

In recent weeks EMToast has received a number of comments from a visitor by the name of Sickjunior. After visiting…

Nonsense is the new making sense. At least at UC Berkeley Dept of Psychology where Professors Tania Griffith and Tomas…

This is the text message that I received from a family member on vacation.  I thought it was a joke…

This is an artist's rendering of the result of  a hypothetical coupling between a fictional character named Billy Wizard, and …

Hey! Did you see that movie the Wrestler? Yeah me too. It wasn’t as good as that cartoon back in…

It wake up. It take shower. It get dressed. It eat breakfast with Beatle look-a-like. It wait for bus. Bus…

Who invented Skittles? It’s a simple question with many answers. An internet search would lead you to believe they were…

It’s not every day that you get the chance to interview a werewolf. One of the benefits of a site…

Attention horror movie makers. Enough with the loud noises. They are a poor replacement for talent. You probably put those…

As a boy I idolized Fonzie from Happy Days. The Fonz was the coolest guy. He taught me that you…

Never make a wish. Doctors at the Northeast Center for Brain Injury and Coma Research have released a shocking new…

How young is too young? To these infant body builders affectionately known as “baby builders” it is never too early…

A strange creature dubbed the “bear yeti” has baffled Alaskan scientists. The animal was trapped by a group of ice…

Pants on the ground is a life changing song it helps young people not kill theyselves after seeing Avatar the…

Children's Literature is the last course I ever imagined I'd take. Yet there I was, analyzing Curious George in my…

On the old 1970’s Incredible Hulk TV show with Bill Bixby and Lou Ferrigno, there was an episode where this…

‘ Recently re-Animated dead prez Abraham Lincoln is planning on jumping back in the spotlight this spring. In a recent…

A clinic operated by the University of California-Irvine may have been involved in illegal alien embryo transfer in 1998. Records…

I know a guy who gets into a lot of fights, and nearly every story he tells about them contains…

(The following excerpt is taken from Ben Franklin's personal diary) "Today Lodi popped into my head. Summer 1979 Lodi, running…

Some say the worst way to go is drowning.  I beg to differ, as most kids will tell you the…

I have a cool jacket with white spots on it.

You never come back from being a skeleton back.

This lady that I work with comes to my deskish area and says, Oh hey I thought of you this…