2008
- Weekly Horrorscopical Preparations for the '09
- Laser Powered Santa and His Monkey Robots’ Bloody Rampage
- Horrorscopes for the Week of Santa Please-Put-The-Robot-Back-In-Christmas Week
- Animatronic Santa Charged in Slayings of 267 Children Over 46 Years
- Nike Air BS Raises Hopes of Profit for Nike In '09
- Christmas Madlibs: Rudolph the $%&@ Nosed Reindeer
- Skeleton of Four Breasted Woman Discovered
- Mustache Cops
- Back In The Day Pac Man Required a License to Chomp
- Horrorscopes for the Week of December 8th
- Anybody Votes! What Creature Scares You Most?
- Aim for Jesus
- Singing Doctor Cures Insomnia And Other Tales
- Mother Allegedly Commands Children Kill Your Father!
- Rapist Viciously Beaten By Victim's Children During Attack
- Workplace Mystery #208: The Money Changers
- Better Never than Late Game Review-Guitar Hero Aerosmith
- Divorce Court: Abusive Husband Obsessively Sniffs Panties, Threatens To Run Wife Over With Truck
- 67 Year Old Cheating Granny Chokes on Meat Bun and Dies
- Group Hepsi vs Hep C
- Horrorscopes for the Week of Turkey Holocaust #479
- The Pedo-Files: Exploring Inappropriate Relationships In Gaming
- The True Meaning of Thanksgiving: King Kong vs Godzilla
- Truck Driver Hit By Sleep Deprived Woman, Body Parts Everywhere
- The Good Old Days of Spam
- Sneezing Thief Needs Claritin-D
- Thanksgiving Day Blessing Madlibs
- Horrorscopes for the week of November 16th
- Angry Women Chase Half-Nude Attacker Down City Streets
- Tiny Guns: America's Newest Obsession
- Horrorscopes For The Week of November 2nd
- Creepy Sightings - The Simian Swarm
- How to Convert an Old Weedwacker Into a Flamethrower
- Toe Fu Interviews Chiptunes Artist 8-Bit Weapon
- Bigfoot Sighting: Sasquatch Army Rises From Water, Attacks Maryland
- Literature for N3rds
- Horrorscopes for the Week of October 19th
- Creepy Sightings
- Strange Currency Discovered In Pennsylvania
- Horrorscopes for the Week of October 12th
- Stop Breast Cancer, Celebrate National Boob Cake Day
- How to Score with Nigerian Women - Without Really Trying
- Shakespeare Madlibs: Hamlet, Prince of Denmark
- Supa-Man Lova: All Star Superman & Superman: Kryptonite TPB Reviews
- Horrorscopes for the Week of October 5th
- Ex-Wife Attacks Man, Tears Testicular Artery
- EMToast: Top 10 Zombie Sightings
- Toe Fu Interviews 30 Rock's Judah Friedlander
- Perverted Uncle Loves Smelling Nephew's Stinky Feet
- Weirdo Tells Neighbor's Wife to Tighten Love Muscle, Breastfeed
- Man Kicks Wife In Box, Threatens to Glue Her Shut
- Horrorscopes for the Week of September 27th
- Perfume: Supersniffer Snuffs Senoritas
- Cormac McCarthy Madlibs: The Road
- Speed Racer Star Hospitalized After Attack
- Speed Racer Actor Soars to Fame; Defends Ninjas
- Ironic T-Shirt Contest
- Hoax Revealed: Clay Aiken Isn't Gay
- Hasslehoff Arrested, Puppy Hostages Freed
- TNA Impact! Wrestling Review aka How I Paralyzed My Baby Bro
- Economic or Cruel? Pet Food Alternatives Under Fire
- Husband Charged $65 for Sex With Wife
- Ass Ponys: Favorite Albums We Forgot Existed
- Rapist Neighbor Got More Than He Bargained For
- Horrorscopes for the Week of September 22nd
- Nipple Pinching Teacher
- Upskirt Photographer Begs For His Life
- Doomsday Formula
- Man Duped Into Marriage By Aging Con-Artist
- EMToast: Top 5 Werewolf Sightings
- Horrorscopes for the Week of September 15th
- The Art of Looking Busy
- How Master Chief earned his rank....
- Listen Up, Then Listen Again
- X-files Season 15: The Fringe
- Adventures in Voodou
- Ciezarney: Secret Language of Our Fathers
- Fuck You Internet.
- Camden Area High Schools Pioneer New Trend in School Curriculum
- Terminators, Shirley Manson, A Toilet???
- The Gloriously, Gruesome Letter G
- Officer Dodges Bullet, Kills Baby
- Jon & Kate Plus 8 Disabled Children
- It's all bitter on the inside
- Kogepan - Sanrio's Fucked Up Toast
- Astounding Wolf-Man Review
- Fucked up toast is born
2009
- Chinese Fire Drills Can't Even Kill A Bitch
- Children Choose Dinosaur Burn Up as Worst Fate
- Strange Figure Shakes the Giant Hand
- Skeleton Back
- Workplace Mystery #773: Sharing is Creepy
- Turkeyman: Curse of the Wereturkey
- God and Baby Jesus
- Jilted Lover Blackmails Ex With Nude Photo
- Rainbows In Her Brain Meats
- Swine Fluid Pork Scented Washer Fluid
- Goblins Invade southern Missouri town of Kennett
- Everything Has Boobs: October is Breast Awareness Month
- My Rat Water Just Broke!
- Unfaithful Slut Wife Exposed by Motel Punch Card
- "Raccoon Faced Freaks" Assault Waitress
- Anybody Votes! Scribblenauts Favorite Words
- The World Mourns the Loss of Its Dirtiest Dancer
- Three Breasted Mother Suckles Pigs In Muddy Crawlspace
- Dell Introduces 99 cent Wireless Notebook for Back to School
- September 27th is National Bat Brushing Day
- The Chronicles of Coppersmith: One Man's Terrible Foray into the Territories of Amazon
- Happy One Year Anniversary! EMToast
- EMToast Year One Retrospective
- Parenting IS for everybody, even people who hate kids
- Kindest Old Woman You've EVER Seen
- Uncle Hot Dogs is Back
- Man With Three Asses Jumps the Line
- How To Make Money Fighting Famous Bears
- Jealous Horse Loses Eye, Rainbow Horn Unicorn to Blame
- Area 51 Exposed: The Deep Throat Connection
- Look Alike - Police Station Chief and His Pet Dog
- Icy Fruit for Monkeys "Look at that butt!"
- The Super Duper Vegan Egan Power Hour
- Flamenco strikes back!! The Untold Origin of Punch-Out's Don Flamenco!
- Dolphin Seduces Middle Aged Tourists
- Horrorscopes for July 2009
- Fuck You Genie
- Dolphin Rape Caught on Film
- Scientists Translate Chihuahua Barks
- Obama Bombs Buckingham Palace
- Laser Dog Protects Billy Wizard's Shit
- Suck My Bolt: Robot Uprising Begins
- Stripper Branded with Diarrhea Tramp Stamp
- Dirty Germs With Comb Overs
- Track Star Crippled During Video Game Speed Run
- The Boy Who Became a Pervy Old Man
- Mike the Bear Wakes Up. ROAR!!!
- help me i am so sick i think i have wet tail
- I Ate My Dentist
- Roll Out Your Favorite Head
- Hidden van Gogh Painting Discovered in Berlin Museum
- Man Kills Girlfriend Because She Won't Give Blow Job
- Don's Wife Leaves Him for Another Woman
- Nocturnal Creature Stalks New Jersey Suburb
- 9 Year Old Boy Commits Suicide After Learning Mummies Are Real
- Husband Caught Having Sex With Bible Study Partner
- Swine Flu Posters to Appear in Public Restrooms
- Russian Scientist Takes Tunguska Creature on Tropical Vacation
- God Loves Swine Flu
- Crooked P.I.s Blackmail & Threaten to Spoon Out Client’s Eyes
- Massage Parlor Whore Swallows Used Condom to Evade Police
- Art of the Folked: West Dakota Bad Ass
- Band of Zombie Gorillas Discovered In Congo
- Tiny Anchorman to Replace CBS NEWS Katie Couric
- Russian Scientist's Family Adopts Tunguska Creature
- Strange Creature Discovered in Tunguska Wasteland
- Creepy Dinner, Just Like Mom Used to Make
- Fetal Dental Deformity to Blame for Potential Recall of Chiclets Tooth Enhancing Gum
- Creature Racing Voted Greatest Video Game Video of All Time
- Assholder: Start Your New Career Now!
- Ass Dragging Werewolf Leads Pack of Chickens
- Black Swan Love Triangle Results In Babies
- Pervert Breaks in House and Ruins Easter
- Art of the Folked: I'M Not Emo I'm Goth, Right?
- Paris Hilton Suffers Stroke as Blanche Deveraux
- Grabbing Female Student’s Ass And Chest “No Big Deal”
- 12 Baby Boars Follow Owner for 13 Mile Ride
- Incredible Hulk Madlibs for Puny Humans
- “Dead Rabbit” Dr. Denys Committing Innocent Girl
- Art of the Folked: Cherry Cheeks Beauty &; Smiling Virgin
- J-Lo Pixelates Her Pants
- Whiny Guy Handcuffed to Ex-Wife and Beaten
- Fucking Cloaking Device
- 5 Mistresses Compete To Keep Lover, Reduce Costs
- J-Lo Shits Her Pants
- Semen Throwing Man Impregnates Victims
- “Blood Dump” Most Offensive Term, Period
- How Co-Workers Shit Behind Toilet Seat
- Iphone Pervert Photographs Victims While Showering
- Scientists Discover Chocolate and Vanilla are the Only Two Flavors
- 911 They Got My Nuggets
- McDonalds Finally Breaks Free From I'm Lovin' It
- Flying Werewolves Drag Ass Across the Sky
- Eagle Chases Ass Dragging Werewolf
- Obama Invites Ass Dragging Werewolves to Christen Whitehouse Lawn
- Paris Hilton’s Former Pet Monkey Arrested
- Giantess Fetish 2009's Top Trend
- Horrorscopes for the Week of February 22nd
- Werewolves: the Original UnAmerican
- Anybody Votes! Where Did Nicolas Cage’s Sideburns Go?
- Perfect Nails Made Easy: 8 Feet in 8 Weeks
- Wet Brain: Zombie Infection Linked to Alcoholism
- Husband Flashes Wife's Clients, Threateningly Sharpens Knife
- Controversial 90's Artwork Found on Aboriginal Cave Wall
- Cheating Husband and Mistress Condemned by Wet Napkin
- Inspirational Madlibs: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
- Miracle Gum Grows New Teeth
- Horrorscopes for the Week of January 25th, 2009
- Anybody Votes! Office Horrors: Creepy Vs Werewolf
- Werewolf Sighting: Ass Dragging Werewolf Ruins Carpet
- Kellogg Layoff Result: Corn Pops Rebranded Gold Tooth Crunch
- Anybody Votes! What Greets You When You Die?
- Old Man Pulls Up Womans Skirt, Gets Blown - to the Head
- Werewolf Sighting: Boy Poisons Creature with Antifreeze
- In Theaters This Week: The Wrestler: Feel Good Movie of the Year
- Strip Club Scents: Life at a Glimpse.
- Anybody Votes! 80's Alien Fight: Mork vs Alf
- Instant Beauty: Eyebrows the Only Item You Need
- Optical Illusion - Girls Gone Wild
- 2009ers Welcome Big Baby New Year
2010
- Baptism Reversal Cures Cannibalism & Serial Killers
- Department Store Santa's Hurtful Words Scar Children
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- Get Your Shits Together
- I Guess I Could Be Friends With a Robot
- Filthy Humans With Horrible Faces
- Help Stop Puppy Mills, Let the Puppies Die
- Zombie Marlon Marlon Brando Eats Unicorn
- Sour Ear Blood Protects from High Pitch Damage
- Happy Halloween 2010
- Paris Hilton Pregnant with Robot Baby
- Paris Hilton Arrested for Kissing Monkey
- Grampa and the Girl Goggle their Yoohoo FaceBox
- Alexander Hamilton Lives Up the Street from Me
- Jersey Shore: Meet the Original Bimbo
- Gorilla Head
- Mama's Been So Fat, Since Daddy Learned to Fry
- THINKING...That's How People Get Killed
- Heat Causes Horses to Foam at the Mouth
- You Blew Out My Fuckin' Eye Drums
- No One in This Family Eats Pepper
- "You better shut up or I'll make your eye bigger than it already is."
- Commenter Murdered by the Media?
- Nonsense is the New Making Sense at UC Berkeley
- I Saw an Ape on the Beach Today
- If Billy Wizard and April Had a Baby
- The Wrestler Genie
- It Come to Work
- Who Invented the Skittles?
- Interview with a Teenage Werewolf
- Horror Movies, Control Your Volume
- Throw away the Neil Diamond cassette and I'll go down on you
- Doctors Warn, Wishing Causes Coma
- Infant Body Builders: Limits Are For Adults
- Black is the New Soylent Green
- I Think We Gave the Yeti Too Much Sugar
- Avatar Suicide Prevention with Billy Wizard
- Jesus Saved Me... from Getting Kicked Out of Community College
- Gamma Irradiated Old Man: A Tale of Arm Wrestling and Sleeping Next to Bears
- Love Me Lincoln Newest VH1 Reality Show
- UC Irvine Clinic Accused of Illegal Alien Embryo Transfer
- Nice Shirt... Do They Make It In Men's?
2011
- During Holiday Cash Tips Inadequate
- Rabbit: Nature's Cutest Killer
- Gimme Turkey: Key to Pilgrim Survival
- Reagan's Ghost Haunting Whitehouse, Wants Obama Out, Literally
- Wax Bag: So You Don't Have To Stay Home And Bleed
- Happy Belated 3rd Birthday EMToast!
- Dear Stinkbug, I Love You, Now Die
- The Wall Chickens: Return of the Heart Kitten
- Happy Halloween
- Rule #2073: Never Lie to Your Kids
- Ohio Ban Exotic Monsters NOW!
- Sexually Exhausted Husband Seeks Police Protection
- Smoking Saves Lives
- Wall Raccoons Can't Stop the Meat Bun Shirt Lookbook
- Dating Beasts: How to Attract Ugly Women
- I dreamt I was convicted of being an asshole
- My baby pooped itself. Fuck you.
- Peanut Butter Cancer Ban Coming
- WE BUY UGLY HORSES . COM
- NEW "BLEEP YOUR BOSS" REALITY SHOW
- French is the Language of Tongue Curling
- I Am a Crocodile, and I've Done Terrible Things
- That Hamburger's Your Brother (I saw it come out of your mother)
- Doctors Invented Cancer in 1926
- Author Word Find: Gotta Catch Them All
- CHiPs Return! Despite Horse Abuse Allegations
- We Drove Past The Gazebo
- Dandelions in the Disco Room
- Top 10 Signs That You Are a Hoarder
- Menu Mishap: Restaurant Offers Rip Rourin CRAP Soup Special
- My Son Eating Corn
- Chocolate Bunny Want Meat
- The Dangers of Eye Contact with the Soulless
- Winter's Bone Witches in the Woods
- Only the Moon Watched
- Psychology is for Psychos
- The Fruit is a Trap
- Justin Bieber to Launch ... Feminine Hygiene Product Line?
- Life in the Box. Failed Experiment Number One
- What is the Difference Between a City and a Town?
2012
- Happy Birthday Bleedin' Baby Jesus!
- I overheard some hipsters talking about VHS tapes
- Broked, Just Like Thier English
- The Turkey's Prayer: A Lord's Prayer Adaptation with Permission from God
- I Hope You Don't Have Too Many Nightmares
- Two Drops To Guppy Heaven
- Dollar Devil's Got Your Money Right Here
- "Quick like a bunny."
- A Gentleman Shitting Out a Dead Cat
- Mindy Likes You
- "You're children of the devil"
- "She poked the bruise as if it were a rotten spot on a piece of fruit"
- "A woman put her hand inside the cage of her father's lion"
- Martha Washington had a tramp stamp that said "Yo Mama"
- If I see her in the store, I'll just yell RAPE! and run away
- "I'll kill the shit out of you"
- "Don't make me make your eye bigger than it already is"
- "She dabbed at her eyes with her hooks"
- "You look like you sleep around for cigarettes."
- "Blecky potato pancakes, kids screaming in the corner while pooping their pants."
- Cold Eared Bunnies in Loaf Position
- Mountains Like White Maggots
- The Mouths of My Children's Bellies: One Woman's Foray into the Territories of Ebay
- "I did not know that in 2005 they found his body..."
- "Isn't it sad the little birds have to drink of out mud puddles?"
- I'm Not A Nimble Person
- Snowbow Warning of Emergency Alert Symptoms
- "Ecce Homunculus" Spanish Fresco Restored
- Never Get Between a Man and His Coffee
- Jesus Loves You Baby All Night Yeah
- Your World is Covered in Dog Diarrhea
- Get off our site you psychopath and don't come back!
- Double-It
- You Probably Think This War Is About You
- Medieval Illiterate Homeless People Were Fooky
- Your Eyes Look Like They Smell Like Corn
- Stephen Hawking's 911 Call "My God! The Squatches Are Upon Us"
- We Bought the Dead Dog Capital Zoo
2013
- Wild Boars Really Vampire Pigs?
- Aunt Jamaica's Blood Strengthening Diabete-Sauce
- Anger & Vanilla Motivate Parking Attendant's Crimes
- CONTEST: Enter your submission for a chance to win back your life!
- The Man with the Wizard Tattoo
- Singer Shits and Fouls Up Stage
- Turkey Legs Come For You
- Folgers Crystals Are Life Crystals
- Bad Pussy From Last Century
- Why I Hate Philosophy Students Who Smoke the Pot
- How To Avoid the Guilt of Not Loving Your Child
- The Wonderful Mr. Blueberry
- Dojo Billy Wizard and Laser Dog
- Look at my teef. I'munna bite yo
- Dead Snakes In Your Car Window
- Hands Off and Cat Billboard Sneak Preview
- Secret Family Recipes My Grandma's Skeleton Sold To Me
- Burnty Goodness Billboard Sneak Preview
- Burnt Toast Billboard Sneak Preview
- Don't Be A Nunsk Billboard Sneak Preview
- "Toast Face One" Billboard Sneak Preview
- Dirty Germs With Combovers Billboard Sneak Preview
- Put An End To Dolphin Rape Billboard Sneak Preview
- "No Doy" Cat Billboard Sneak Preview
- Hot Dog: A Tale of Origination
- Skull-Snakes New Morbid Craze With the People
- Mentally Decapitated
- Your Dog Has a Bitter Voice
- Choking Hazard: The Real Reason Garlic Repels Vampires
- You Stoped A Hart
- I'm Cornbread Eating Mad
- Look Ma! I made a picture of cocaine on tinfoil with blood on it
- Big Clark's Dirty Hot Dog Secret
- Stay back Lozaq, I'm going into the future!
- Can you identify these six creatures?
- Less Than Zero
- I Thought My Ghetto Blaster Was a Boom Box.
- Happy Final Birthday!
- Robots are from before my time.
- Jesus tried atheism, but it was too boring.
- Rasta Pig and Some Regular Pigs Too
- I Drank Perfume From the Unicorn's Horn
- Eight Baller Takes Care of His Woman
- Bears Are People Too
- They Call Him Corn Hand
- Smoking Girl Eaten By a Whale
- Wormie
- Mmm... Me Loves Eggs
- Tongue Got Your Cat
- Don't Cry! Shut Up!
- Eat Pray Love
- That Sun is a Reptile
- Three for a Quarter
- POLICE: Feral Cats Abduct and Rape Woman
- All these clouds floating around and blocking the sun
- That's the assistant Mayor
- I Need Sugar For My Heart
- Lesson One: He Bleach His Self
- Portrait of My Dog as a French Serial Killer
2014
- What Happens If an Ignoramus Discovers Intelligence?
- Dear Doctor: How Did Fonzie Get into Trouble with the Pink Elephant?
- Dear Doctor: I'm Afraid of Sick Rats
- Honey can kill babies. But it can't kill me!
- He Asked the Doctor about Brain Scan Blips... The Last 2 Seconds Will Break Your Heart
- "Books on TV" Then Everything Changed
- The Twelfth Day of Christmas Biebers
- Your Eyes Will Pop out When You See Crusty Cringle the Disgusting Santa Claus
- The Eleventh Day of Christmas Biebers
- You Will Shit on the Floor When You Hear about the Sony Pictures vs. The Ice Cream Industry Scandal
- The Tenth Day of Christmas Biebers
- What Do Reindeer Dream About?
- The Ninth Day of Christmas Biebers
- Don't Piss off the Guy Who Buys Your Dinner
- The Eighth Day of Christmas Biebers
- I Came up Sour. Your Eyes Will Drop to the Floor.
- The Seventh Day of Christmas Biebers
- You Look like a Cat Burglar
- The Sixth Day of Christmas Biebers
- I Beefed One Out
- The Fifth Day of Christmas Biebers
- Look at the Bottom
- The Fourth Day of Christmas Biebers
- The Third Day of Christmas Biebers
- The Second Day of Christmas Biebers
- The First Day of Christmas Biebers
- TIME Word of the Year 2014 is...
- Hope Stands Alone: A Tragedy of Hope
- Ghosts Love Frankenstein Monster Pets
- How to Eat a Dry Twig
- How to Eat a Fresh Fig
- I Will Try to Hold My Tears Deep Inside My Eye Holes
- Floss Is Good
- Some Women Should Be Wearing Lysol
- There Are No White Teeth on Pretty Girls
- The Anatomy of a Sight: Final Part
- The Anatomy of a Sight: Part Two
- The Anatomy of a Sight: Part One
- Today a Eagle Is Born the Most Powerful the Merkin Nagel
- Fingers in the Inside Now! Go!!
- 3 Proven Ways to Dodge Debt Collectors
- Stop Shivering like a Shitting Dog
- today I went to my friends hause
- Don't Make Me Hit You! Get Back In The Car!
- Drink Pep's Confusion Filter
- Fill Your Belly with the Bad Pieces
- He Wouldn't Eat the Candy
- I hope to be reborn as a 1989 Toyota Tercel
- A Nerd Died Here
- Facebook Begins Rolling Out Friend Rating System
- What would it be like to be with the garbage woman's daughter?
- Why You Can't Buy Grape Ice Cream
- A History of The World by Fritzy McGee
- Don't pass out in your sleep
- Godzilla of the Parking Lot
- Robot King Decrees: Exfoliate them. All of them!
- My son's cat invented prednisone!
- Apples of your cheeks should be called tomatoes of your cheeks
- Dead Bear Obsession Threatens Reality
- Here is a recent picture of me. This is what I look like now.
2015
- 10 Strange Truths from the Private Journals of...Thomas Edison
- Female Teddy Bear Gets 35 to Life in Plastic Bag Murder
- ART 101: Intro to Rabbit Poop Snowman E-course
- What Is inside the Head of the Great Pumpkin? It's Stupid, Sweet, and Frightening
- My Battle Scarred Skeleton underneath Your Front Porch
- I Was a Middle Aged Weresnack
- Tasers Banned after Intestinal Explosion Burns Hot-Wings Champ during DUI Arrest
- Let Him Be the Robot's Child
- All the Robots Are Wiping Now
- Robo-Coffin Makes Dying Alone Convenient
- Local Authorities Warn of Serial Slapper
- Defense Mechanisms of the Reese Owl Bat
- Are You My Father? 8 Ways to Turn Millennial Troubles Around
- 'Safety First Vigilante' Terrorizes Local Motorists
- GB Boy Color: The Backlit Gameboy Color Nintendo Never Produced
- At the Edge of the Know
- Easter Egg Found in C64 Game After 30 Years
- Why You'll Never Succeed at 6400mg Advil Overdose
- Are UFOs Hiding in Front of the Sun Where We Can't See Them?
- Suicide Dogs Bring Release to Terminally Ill
- Over 40 and Balding--You're Finished
- Dear Dr. Even a Zombie Has More Energy than Me
- Man Spends More Money on Toilet Paper Than His Electric Bill
- Why Your Boyhood Pain Never Works out the Way You Plan
- What Does Taylor Swift Do on Saturday? Screw Your Wig on Tight to Find Out
- Scientists Were Loving... Then Everything Mutated
- Tell Me Sincerely, Are You Living?
- Does the Doctor Hate Vanilla? The Answer Will Make Your Bones Rattle
- I'll Never Look at Brains the Same Again
- They Asked If He Was Nunsk... Then It Got Real
- When You Find out Where Puppies Go When They Die... You Will Chuckle
- The Ugly Side of Becoming a Were-Cat
- Why Fritzy McGee Is One of the Great Minds of Our Generation
- Are Chocolate and Vanilla Part of Big Ice Cream's Flavorist Agenda?
- This Astronauts Drinking Habits Will Inspire You
- How Back Pain Is Killing You
- Mom Ignores Child to Talk on the Phone. What He Does Will Devastate Your Soul
- She Looked under the Covers... And It Was Remarkable
- How Cigarette Butt Fishing Isn't as Bad as You Think
- What Time of Day Will Jesus Come Back? He's Going to Provoke You
- The Moment When a Child Rejects His Mother's Blame
- Leonard Nimoy Gives Powerful Directions... Here's How
- What This Doctor Recommended to Cure Exhaustion and Bloat Is Astonishing
- What Makes You Do the Things That You'll Regret?... You'll Be Alarmed
- Try Not to Shout When You Hear the Worst Birthday Gift Idea
- What Mom Never Told You about Love at First Sight
- Cat Burglar and the Frightening Fortnight
- He Got Bitten by an Honest Horse...Then Things Got Freaky
- Knowledgeable Cleverness and Ignorant Imbecility Are Interesting
- What Does Harriet Tubman's Tramp Stamp Say? You'll Be Stupefied.
- Even Racter Hates Philosophy Students Who Smoke Pot
- She Grabbed Hot Speaker Wires...and Could Not Fathom What Would Happen Next
- They Stabbed That Man... Then Things Got Awkward
- Where Are Snap, Crackle and Pop Now? You'll Wish You Could Forget
- When You Find out Seawater Is Delicious You Will Flip Your Wig
- Boyhood -- Is It Even worth Watching?
- What Causes All My Ailments? Your Skin Will Crawl
- What You Don't Know about How to Love Will Split Your Neurons
- When They Asked Who the 16th President Was...Their Brains Liquefied
- How a 25 Year Old Video Game Changed Everything
- It Was Just a Cancelled Appointment...and They Devastated Him for It
- Where Do Babies Come From? Hint. It's Closer than You Think
- If You Read One Article about Hoarding, Read This One
- Who is Billy Wizard? You Will Rue the Day You Found Out
- How Europe Saved Your Soul... You Will Still Hate the French
- How Does the Hater See Things? You Will Be Dumbfounded
- You Will Be Horror-Struck When You Find out How This Boy Lost His Emotions
- Do Hookers Ever Give Change? The Answer Will Make Your Toes Bleed
- Paul Began to Hum of Dogs and Crows, Even Babies or a Brother
- Pepsi Banned This Slogan in the 1970's... The Reason Will Make Your Skin Squirm
- Whatever They Told You about Sticks and Stones Is Dead Wrong...and Here's Why
- What Is Tom Cruise Secretly Raising Suri to Become? The Pain of Knowing Will Hurt You
- When People Clean Chimneys with the Bones of Children...Your Heart Will Pop
- Who Smells like Tender Vittles? It's Hilarious, Horrible, and Could Destroy Your Life
- The Thing John F. Kennedy Is Known for Will Make Your Chest Implode with Horror
- Here Is What Happens When Friendly Haters and Enraged Lovers Act with Extreme Prejudice
- How Cold Is Sigourney Weaver's Heart? You'll Break down When You Hear
- Rockstars Consider Facebooks Friend Rating System... And It's Dreadful
- This Is What Happens When Robots Get Real about Child Abuse
- Watch Badness Cause a Computer to Hate...and Inspire You
- Ladie's Self Defense Lesson #2
- What Wikipedia Can't Tell You about Escaping Dinosaurs
- Ladie's Self Defense Lesson#1
- Movie Review 'A Million Ways to Die in the West'
- Do This Next Time Your Man Gives You Flowers and His Heart will Detonate
- Who Is Satan's Best Friend in the World?... You'll Be Distressed
- Beware the One Who Is Always There to Wipe Away Your Tears
- They Asked about Her Mean War Face... Then They Regretted It
- He Attracted Ugly Women... The Look on Their Faces Is Priceless
- We Asked What the Hell Is a Quadratic Equation?... Then the Party Started
- That Is Loving, Hateful, and Captivating
- What Is the Secret Ingredient in Hot Dogs? the Answer Will Offend You
- Why Do People Think Blue Teeth Are a Good Idea?
- How YouTube Can Teach You About Fairy Tales
- He Was Betrayed by Everyone He Loved...the Doctor's Advice Will Smash Your Ventricle
- George Clooney Comes Forward. Bill Cosby Raped Me
- If You Don't Believe This Doctor's Claims about Corn Syrup Then You Are Living in a Sarcophagus
- A Thinker Is Someone Who Has Had to Live with a Hysteric
- What Experts Are Saying about Gas Prices
- What Does Michelle Obama's Tramp Stamp Say? You'll Be Enamored
- Why Sharp Teeth BJs Are Worse than Not Getting a Rose
- What Everyone Is Saying about Vegetarian Cannibals
- Freshly Cut Hair May Take Root into Bare Feet
- Watch a Mega Corporation Bring Color Blindness... Not How You'd Imagine
- He Asked for An "Italian Pie" and a"Plain Sub"? What He Got Was Inconceivable
- What Did Bill Cosby's Wife Have Tattooed on Her Thigh? The Answer Will Put You in a Coma
- How Do You Defeat a Mummy?
- What Happened to Oracle's Face?
- Tramp Stamp: Only When You're Naked and Bloody Do the Cops Care
- The Oracle and the Future Dogs Fighting with Light Sabers
- What Does Toad Meat Taste Like?
- Brother Jerome Becomes Brother Jeremy
2016
- What If Amy Schumer Was Miss Piggy
- What If Channing Tatum Was Prince Harry?
- What If Trump Was a Stripper?
- What If Santa Was a Snowman?
- What If Jesus Was Baby Jesus?
- What If Jesus Was Santa?
- What If Trump Had a Big Smile?
- What If Abe Lincoln and Morgan Freeman Switched?
- What If Tom Cruise Was Green?
- What If Trump Was a Turtle?
- What If Bruce Campbell Were Bruce Lee?
- What If Gandhi Was Rambo??
- What If Bruce Willis Was in Home Alone?
- Who Is Chowder Supreme?
- The Veggie Lion Dreams of Fat Little Sheep
- Miniature Cockroaches: The Blood Parasites Infecting Our Local Area
- Happy Easter 2016
- Itcome for hipster fleamarket
- Humanzee Memoir Published: Courts to Decide Who Can Profit from This Love Story
- Godzilla 2016 NEWS! Alternate 'Resurgence' Movie Poster Leaked
- Taste Crystal Windex RIGHT NOW!
2019
- Snackersquaches Recipe
- What If Trump Was Britney?
- What If Taylor Swift Were a Terminator?
- What if Chewbacca Was...
- What If Beauty Was the Beast?
- What If Trump Was in the Beatles
- What If Reese Witherspoon Was Steve Harvey
- What If a Zombie Was Superman?
- What is Caitlin Jenner Was Bruce Jenner?
- What If Taylor Swift Had A Huge White Beard?
- What If Chuck Norris Was Mother Theresa?
- What If Arnold Schwarzenegger Was The Terminator?
- What If Taylor Swift Were Wolverine
- Repair Job #436: Circle Your Demons
- The Lord Wants You to Learn to Park
- Seven Benefits of Local Trash Milk
2022
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Surrounded by Wolves: Final Assimilation
- Coffee Chugging: The New Way to Live 500 Years Longer
- World Health Organization Announces Solution to Global Pandemic: Just Stop Being Sick
- Banjo the Cat and the Haunted Serial Killer
- The Power of a Greeting: How the Saying 'Good Day, Sir' Protected a Village from Vampires in 1575
- Trump Announces Plan to Run for President Again in 2028, Because He Just Can't Get Enough
- Santa Snowman
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: What Did They Do to My Baby Wolves?
- Bikini Cowboy Girl vs. the Skeleton Army
- Happy Snowman Season!
- Merry Christmas From Your Friends at EMToast
- Robot Parade v.07 Tragedy
- In a Shocking Revelation, World Leaders From Every Corner of the Globe Admitted Today That They Have No Idea What They’re Doing
- The Haunting of Owl's Eye
- Robot Parade v.06 Love
- Study Finds That All of Humanity’s Problems Could Be Solved if We Just Had More Emojis
- In Shocking Turn of Events, Federal Government Announces Bold New Plan to Combat Global Warming: Shooting Water into Space
- Area Mom Insists on Sending Handwritten Letters, Even to Her Email Subscribers
- Nope v.05 the Sky Predator
- Robot Parade v.03 Fleshunger
- Bikini Cowboy Girl: My Circuits Are Not Functioning
- Pixel Toast
- Bikini Cowboy Girl: Future is Bright
- "EMToast" Exclusive: Elvis Presley Sighted Alive and Well in Outer Space
- Will Your Daily Dose of Caffeine Help You Outlive Your Great-Great-Grandchildren?
- Man Claims to Have Time Traveled From 2048, Brings Back Advanced Toaster Technology
- Nope v.03 UFO From Within the Clouds
- Government Announces Plan to Solve Climate Change by Building Giant Umbrella in Space
- The Great Humanzee-Robot War: A Cautionary Tale of Playing God
- Pixelated Toast
- Joe Rogan Grills Elon Musk on His Plans for Twitter
- Robot Parade v.06 Uprising
- Doctors warn of shocking link between wishing and coma: Are your wishes putting you at risk?
- Procrastination Named America’s Top Pastime, Beating Out Netflix and Chill
- Toastada
- Robot Parade v.03 Hope
- A Different Kind of Ass Dragging Werewolf Story
- NASA Announces Plans to Colonize Mars, Then Immediately Realizes It Forgot to Pack Snacks
- Humanzees vs Robots: The War for Survival
- The Truth About Mummies: Are They Real, and Can They Curse You?
- Horrorscopes for the Week of December 11
- Nope v.02 The UFO and the Cowboy
- The Candy Maker's Dream: The Rise of Flavio Skitelle and His Legendary Skittles
- EMToast Corporate Logo Drafts
- The Office S12: As the situation in Scranton continues to deteriorate
- Unbelievable: Four-Breasted Woman Found in Egyptian Tomb
- The shocking truth about what happened when two brain-dead patients rose from the dead!
- Robot Parade v.02
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Beginnings: Leaving the Farm
- The Easter Bunny's Mistake aka Santa's Terrible Howl
- Emtoast Colorful Stickers
- Ten Crazy and Hilarious Ways to Avoid Work in the Office: You Won't Believe #7!
- Evil Santa Goes on Christmas Eve Rampage
- Nope v.01 The Hunger from the Sky
- Robot Parade v.08 Tinny
- Cheating Mistress Reveals Pope's True Nature
- Robot Parade v.05 Remnants of the Once-Proud Robots
- Robot Parade v.01
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Battle at Balloon City
- Oil Paint on Toast
- Spirit in a Sea of Uncertainty
- My Ex Wife Won’t Let Me Come Home Unless I Get a Lobotomy
- Angry Pope Versus His Mistress
- Debunking the Myth of Dolphin Rape
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Beginnings: Of the Farm
- Standing Side by Side, One of Them Held a Slice of Toast Up
- Girl with the Golden Tooth Song Lyrics
- Cannibals Are Becoming Hardcore Vegans
- Who Was Racter Anyway?
- The Virus Proved To Be Too Powerful
- The Colorful Toast
- Young Billy Wizard and the Werewolves
- Graffiti Paintings of Toast
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Things Aren't Looking Too Good
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Beginnings: Wolf Pups
- Toast Clipart for My Book Report
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Roboticized and Heavily Armed in the Neon Night
- Neon Toast Wall Art
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga 2056
- Freaky Toast Man
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Fully Wired
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Balloon Dystopia
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Roboticization Process
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Wolves in the Woods Photo Shoot
- When She First Saw the Werewolves He Was With Her
- Bruce Willis is Wolverine -- I guess...
- Werewolf Movie Poster 3: Moon Back
- Werewolve Movie Poster 2: Moon Eyes
- Bikini Cowboy Girl 2006
- Breaking News: Wind Blown Werewolf Portraits New IG Trend
- Werewolf Movie Poster 1: Moon Mouth
- Claymation Werewolf Scientists
- Werewolf Scientists
- Marzipan Hellboy for Sale
- Werewolves Surging at the Moon
- Werewolves in Love
- Warning! Your Emotion Providing Service Has Denied Authorization for Evil Feelings
- Sorry, but if You Think This Devil Is Cute You Are Destined for Hot Places
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Sticker Set
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Diorama
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Surrounded By Wolves Figurine Set
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Surrounded By Wolves Lego Figure
- Toast Watching a Show About Toast On TV
- Toast Watching TV
- Toast on TV
- Bikini Cowboy Saga 1955
- Bikini Cowboy Girl With Wolves Saga: Last Days as a Human
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: In the Style of Kent Williams
- Happy Halloween from You Know Who
- Santa Muerte
- Thirteenth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Boo! Love Feeling for Toast Ghost Has Been Approved by Your Emotion Providing Service
- Día de Los Superhéroes Muertos Parte Ocho
- Bruce Willis Dresses as Superman for Halloween
- Twelfth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Día de Los Superhéroes Muertos Parte Siete
- Black Cats Love Honey
- Ghostly Rider
- In Less Than 100 Years We Will All Be Skeletons
- Eleventh Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Toast With Low to Questionable Moral Fiber
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Sexta Parte
- Red Lava Lamp of Skulls
- Spiky Guy Skeletons
- Tenth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Parte Cinco
- Coffee is Life, Coffee is Death
- Skeleton Dancing Pumpkins are There
- Ninth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Parte Cuatro
- Eighth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- I Like My Toast With Pixel Jelly
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Tercera Parte
- Bruce Willis Auditions for Role of Art the Clown in Terrifier 3
- Seventh Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Segunda Parte
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Beginnings: Visit to the Graveyard
- Sixth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- 57 Channels and Toast is On
- Dia de Los Superheroes Muertos Primera Parte
- Fifth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Fourth Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Toast People Dance Party!
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Taj Mahals
- Third Face of of Frankenstein's Monster
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Action Figure
- Kanye West with a Big Smile
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Takes the Wolves to a Rocky Lagoon
- Second Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- 15th Annual Toast Street Art Festival
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Claymation TV Show
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga 1856
- First Face of Frankenstein's Monster
- Bikini Cowboy Girl in Style of Jamie Hewlett
- Hulk Dye Hair and Flex. Angry. Serious. Running.
- Toast Face Sinner
- Thou Shalt Not Worship False Idols
- Your Emotion Providing Service Has Denied Authorization for Your Love of a Toast Bikini
- Raymond Chandler's The Big Sleep in Pictures
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Surrounded by Wolves: Look!
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Metal Gear Solid Styled
- Claymation Toast People Are Real and They Are Coming To Steal Your Heart Because You Will Love Them and They Will Love You to the Maximum Available Amount of Emotions Allotted by Your Emotion Providing Service
- Skeleteen Romance 4 Movie Posters
- Not Only Can Toast Grow a Moustache, Apparently It Can Grow A Body
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Sunset City
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Surrounded by Wolves
- Can Toast Grow a Moustache?
- Skeleteen Romance 3 Movie Posters
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Action Playset
- The Healthiest Individual Ever Elected to the Presidency
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Pinups
- Skeleteen Romance 2 Movie Posters
- Corporate Bigfoot's Woodland Retreat
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Wolves in the Field
- Delicious EMToast
- Skeleteen Romance Movie Posters
- Forgive Me Father for I Have Sinned
- Return of the Fast Food Zombies
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Sketch 2
- Am I Me? My Reflection in a Cup of Coffee
- Bikini Cowboy Girl Saga: Sunset With Wolves
- Are sugar skull snakes dangerous snakes?
- Danny, which wolf purse do I buy?
- President Trump Prepares for New Office
- Hulk With or Without Moustache?
- Andre the Giant as the Incredible Hulk
- Fruitycon 2022 Promo Posters Preview
- Will Ferrell's GatorZ Animated Series Announced
- Danny Devito Cannot Quit the Terminator Lifestyle
- Quick! Mom! Run! It's Elvis!
- Fruities Gather at Fruitycon 2022
- Will Ferrell Trained for GatorZ Film to Become the Action Star He Always Dreamed
- Some Women Just Like to Dress as Fruit
- Will Ferrell 2056
- Big People Are Noticing Danny Devito’s Terminator Lifestyle
- The Terminator Lifestyle Engulfs Danny Devito
- Baby Builders Gen 1: Adulthood
- How Could a Loving Scientist Be Afraid of the Weak
- Danny Devito Embraces the Terminator Lifestyle
- Baby Builders Level 2: The Mutants are Coming
- Danny Devito Considers the Terminator Lifestyle
- Return of the Baby Builders
- Bikini Cowboy Girl is Almost Here
- Billy Wizard and Laser Dog Cosplayers
- Bruce Willis as T-800
- Fast Food Zombies
- Corporate Bigfoot AKA Business Sasquach
- Corporate Vampires
- Why Bruce Willis Never Drinks Water
- Johnny O. Becomes a Gamma Irradiated Hulk
- Love Notes From Ghana
- Iron Man Green Goblin Armor - Anthony Stark Earth-19919
- Taylor Swift Bearded Again
- Bigfoot Abducted by Aliens
- Humanzee want to hang out with you!
- Abusive Pope Fights With Secret Wife 1992
- More Animals Playing Poker
- Aliens in the Kitchen Drinking Coffee
- This Is What Exercise Can Do for You!
- Animals Playing Poker
- Nicolas Cage's Greatest Role - Abe Lincoln
- Taylor Swift Bearded Woman
- Apartment 223: Very Hungry
- Rampaging Pope Destroys Kitchen 1992
- Shangri-La Resident Rick Ruben
- Danny DeVito is a Terminator
- Pezidents of the United States of America
- Pee-wee Herman is the Hellraiser
- Lou Ferrigno as the Hulk
- Bill Bixby as The Hulk
- Clubber Lang 2017
- Rock Balboa 2014
- Rocky Balboa 2014
- Ivan Drago 2002
- Clubber Lang 2002
- Rocky Balboa 2002
- Ivan Drago 2002
- Rocky Balboa 1996
- Clubber Lang 1996
- Ivan Drago 1996
- My Son, Still Eating That Corn
- I Thought the Moon Would Be Safer
- Tunguska: A Great Place to Visit
- Folgers Crystals Are Still Life Crystals
2023
- Garage Door Achieves Enlightenment: Humanity Still Stuck
- PEZ Invention Saves Dying Girl After Docs 'Gave Up'
- Man Shocked to Learn Most of His Opinions Not Actually His Own
- Ghost Want Candy
- Dental Delirium: The Lost Grins of Toothville
- Exciting Announcement: Vanilla Ice & MC Hammer Join Forces for an Epic Collaboration!
- Comedy Legend Turns Killer in 'Seinfeld Kills' - Must-Watch Horror Thriller!
- This Terminator Movie Has a Tiny Twist - Danny DeVito Takes Charge!
- The Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 3: 🔥 Youth Edition 🔥
- The Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 2: A Parent's Guide to Decoding Risqué Teen Communication!
- Ultimate Emoji Slang Dictionary Pt. 1: Decode the Secret Language of Young People with These Must-Know Emojis!"
- Coffee May Extend Lifespan by 500 Years, But Is It Worth It?
- Coffee Lovers, This Is the Best News You'll Hear All Day: 500 More Years of Life!
- Man Discovers the Secret to Time Travel: Oversleeping on Weekends
- Disney Announces Live-Action Remake of Live-Action Lion King with Actual Lions
- Is Your Toast Turning Toxic? The Disturbing Trend of Low Moral Fiber Breakfasts!
- Man Who Lost Marbles As Child Loses Them Again As Adult
- Mario Finally Retires from Jumping After 40 Years
- <strong>Study Finds People Who Talk to Themselves Aren't Crazy, They're Just Having Staff Meetings</strong>
- Area Man Shocked to Discover Self-Worth Not Tied to Social Media Metrics
- Amazon to Launch New Service That Will Allow Customers to Buy Products Just by Looking at Them
- FDA Okays Elon Musk's Brain Implants - People Now Think They're Him!
- 1000 Leprechaun Ghosts Haunt USA After Treasure Hunters’ Discovery Goes Wrong
- Man Sues Streaming Giant for Binge-watching Addiction
- Coffee: The Key to a 500-Year Lifespan, or Just a Waste of Time and Insects?
- Sip Your Way to Immortality: New Study Claims Coffee Can Extend Lifespan by 500 Years
- The French Tradition of Adding Olives to Bean Soup
- Carnival of Serenity: How ICP Reinvented Themselves as a Soft Rock Band
- Buddy No More: The Rise of a Sir
- Coffee: The Ultimate Life Hack? New Study Claims It Can Make You Smarter, More Attractive, and Live Forever
- Bones on the Road
- From Horse Paintings to Skeletal Reflections: Alexander's Artistic Transformation
- "In a World Facing its Final Days, 'It's Not the End of the World' is an Insult"
- New Study Shows Drinking Coffee Can Add Centuries to Your Life, Finally Giving You Time to Finish That Novel You Started in College
- The Great Forgetting: Is Our Existence Truly Meaningful?
- Ashes-Ashes: The Story of Abrick Cadabrick, the Magical Man
- The Painless Warriors: A Story of Redheads and their Battle for Survival
- The Monkey's Lesson: A Fable on the Dangers of Cell Phone Addiction
- Webuyjunkiemonkeys.com
- The Scratching at the Window: A Tale of Unimaginable Horror
- Will CNET's use of AI to write articles lead to a decline in the quality of news?
- The High Cost of Immortality: The Risks of Drinking Coffee to Live 500 Years
- The Vitamin Ghost
- I Love You, I Believe You
2026
- Dunkin’ Heinz Co. Launches Bakery Collection, Directly Challenging Duncan Hines in Retail Baking Aisle
- Duncan Hines Sues Dunkin Heinz Co., Alleging Brand Confusion and Unfair Competition
- Friday the Thirteenth, the Night Before Valentine’s
- Leaked Memo: Dunkin Heinz Duncan Hines Co. – The Name So Bold, You’ll Never Forget It
- Project Hines: Internal Strategy Memo Reveals Dunkin’ Heinz’s Plan to Take Over Duncan Hines
- Dunkin’ Brands and The Kraft Heinz Company Announce Strategic Merger to Form Dunkin’ Heinz Co.
- Nightmares of the G1 Transformers
- Galvatron Gulping Gaviscon
- Galvatron Loading up on Fast Food
- Optimus Overeats
- I used to work out in the 90's
- PRESS RELEASE: EMToast Consumer Brands Introduces Hunch Crunch Cereal
- Reaction GIF: That Escalated Fast
- The True Story Behind Danny Devito as a Terminator
- What if a priest vampire had his fangs removed by a priest?
- The Judgement of the Teeth
- Woe Upon the Teeth
- Blessed are the Teeth
- Godzilla x Sailor Moon Fan Zone
- Header Design Contest for EMToast.exe Blog
- F@cked up toast is reborn
